Some of regular readers will know that I have four children, I have quite a large age gap between my eldest and youngest.
I’ve been thinking lately about how different my relationship with each of them is, they are all at different stages of life that require something different from me as their mum.
I thought I would write a little post about what I feel each of my children need from me at the stage of life they are at now.
If you have ready my earlier post, you will know that Jess is expecting a baby of her own in September, I feel like my role as her mum is now a completely different one, I now feel that I have an adult ‘child’ and this has changed our relationship for the better.
Jess had a few very difficult teenage years and there were times when I wondered if our relationship would ever recover, so the fact that we have overcome those turbulent times to arrive in a better place than either of us could have imagined is a wonderful thing.
I feel that now I can offer Jess advice, both about pregnancy and birth, I can offer her support when the baby arrives and help her through the tough times that having a newborn can bring and I can also support her into her journey into adulthood.
I’m not going to lie and say it’s been easy to let go of seeing her as a little girl but I know how important it is to allow the relationship to change so we can grow as mother and daughter into her adult years.
Scott 14 (almost 15)
Scott is at that tricky teenage boy stage where I’m not actually sure what he needs from me as his mum, he probably wouldn’t be comfortable with me asking him outright either.
The fact that Scott doesn’t live with me makes it a little bit harder to mother him although the over-riding temptation is there to nag him to have a wash, tidy up and not play on his computer all night is still strong as only a mother could understand.
I’m here for him to talk about the subjects he enjoys at school and the ambitions he has for the future.
Scott and I have a lot in common, we share a love of horror films (until I became a massive wuss about watching them) , he likes the usual side of life and is a bit of a thinker like me.
I know when he comes out of that awkward teen boy phase we will be as close as we were when he was little, I miss those little boys arms round my neck (sorry Scott but I do).
Daisy 2 (almost 3)
My relationship with Daisy is full of fun, laughter and learning, although she also needs me to create boundaries. Daisy needs me to kiss her ‘owies’ better, comfort her when ‘dinosaurs are coming’, reassure and encourage her when she discovers something new.
I’m her mummy and she needs me to provide almost everything she needs to learn and grow into her little world, but she also needs me to give her small bits of independence.
With having the two older children I’m more aware of how fast children grow to eventually not need you in the same way, how quickly you go from ‘mummy’ to ‘mum’ , so I cherish every moment even more with Daisy.
Jacob 12 weeks
I think Jake’s needs are so simple and practical at this stage in his life, he needs me to provide food, comfort, cleanliness, stimulation and of course tons of love.
I remind myself each day to try and relax and enjoy being totally relied upon for it’s only for a fleeting moment that this tiny baby boy needs mummy hugs.
I suppose what I’m trying to say is that as hard as it is, relationships and needs change and you as a mum you must change with them, no matter how much you want to keep those babies wrapped up safely in your arms and be the one they always need.
Here is a lovely song that I think says perfectly everything I wish for all of my children no matter how old they are.