I have changed my mind so many times about writing this post, it really will read like a huge rant and I know not everybody will have or have had the same experience as me but I feel like I need to get it all out.
I also want to be able to look back at it and remind myself how important preventative measures are about my health and how lucky I am that I don’t have to live with the condition all my life.
Two years ago when I was pregnant with Daisy I had gestational diabetes, it wasn’t detected until 31 weeks into my pregnancy, because of the late detection I started to take Insulin almost straight away. The most disappointing thing about being diagnosed was the fact that they didn’t want me to go full term and I felt I had no choice but to agree to be induced early, I had experienced inducement before and it was far from good experience.
Although I didn’t feel 100% well during that pregnancy it was nothing compared to how I have and continue to feel this time.
I think when I decided to become pregnant again I very naively thought that maybe it wouldn’t happen again, I’m the sort of person who read’s ‘Could’ or ‘Maybe’ as a oh well it’s only a could not a definite.
I am quite overweight and hadn’t really made the effort to lose a lot of it before getting pregnant again, this I now deeply regret, although it wouldn’t have stopped me getting gestational diabetes again I can’t help but feel it would have been a lot easier to control and manage.
This time around I’ve been taking insulin since my 19th week, having to inject before every meal, testing blood afterwards and trying to avoid hypos has been a constant nightmare, it might not sound that bad to some people but it takes over your life.
Each week my insulin is adjusted, the most frustrating part is that I can have the same thing for breakfast every single day and the results are never the same, I have tried to make what I thought were healthier choices like having Bran flakes which pushes my sugar levels through the roof, I suppose I just can’t get my head around this fact, it makes no sense to me at all.
Hypo’s are by the far the most scarey part of this condition, I can’t fully explain what they feel like but I will try, as I start to go into a hypo my legs go jelly like, my hands start to shake badly, I get really hot and my vision goes blurry, although I do try to avoid them it’s not always possible.
I always have a bottle of lucozade on hand and a quarter cup full of it brings me quickly out of the hypo although afterwards I feel totally washed out and the rest of my day is a write off.
The most frightening part of a hypo for me is the fact that I could pass out therefore leaving Daisy alone, I always phone Chris while I’m having one until it passes.
I’m currently having growth scans to check that the diabetes is not affecting the baby and again I was a little naive thinking it wouldn’t because it hadn’t affected Daisy at all, sadly this time the baby is measuring bigger than he should, I feel so guilty about this, I suppose I haven’t always made the right food choices even though I knew this could happen.
I suffer from anxiety and a part of this for me is sometimes over eating, I’m sure you can imagine what the anxiety of this pregnancy is doing to me at the moment.
Every day I feel totally exhausted, even doing the washing up sees me needing to sit down afterwards, I can’t venture far from the house, the local shop is about my limit at the moment, it’s really hard not to get down about it all. I’m a very organised, tidy person and I’m finding hard to accept that for the time being it’s just not possible.
I have about 7 more weeks to go now, I’m going to try and focus on this last stretch, to find some inner strength and positivity, to realise that sometimes you have to let go of what you want to happen and adapt and accept what has to happen instead.
I do feel sad that this, my final pregnancy has left me feeling so ill, hopeless, useless and down, but I also think it’s taught me a huge important lesson, that I need to start listening to my body and giving it what it needs to be healthy.
If you have read to the end then thank you for sticking with it, if you are thinking of getting pregnant either for the first, second or however many times please take care of your health, you and your baby deserve it.