At the start of this week I wrote a blog post about why I find Mother’s day difficult, it was about my own Mother and our relationship or more rightly lack of, I couldn’t decide if posting such a personal thing was the right thing to do on this platform, I asked my brother to read it and he agreed that it perhaps didn’t belong on my blog.
Do you know though since I wrote it my whole perspective has shifted, I realised that I may not and never will know the love of a Mother but it hasn’t stopped me loving AS a Mother, I stopped thinking about all the things I never had and started thinking about the things I do have like four beautiful, healthy, clever and sometimes crazy children, I thought about all the things I can offer them as a Mother.
I’m replacing the awful memories of my own childhood by thinking of the wonderful memories I have given and will give my children, I’m not by any means saying I’ve been perfect but I know at the end of my days I can look back and know I always did my best and always apologised where I felt I didn’t.
I’ve decided to concentrate on the relationships I do have with those people who have always been there for me and supported me in being a Mum even when they haven’t always agreed with me, I do have people who love me unconditionally even if it’s not the people who really should.
I’m cross that it’s taken me 37 years to realise that what’s most important is the things you do have not the things you don’t, I didn’t have good parents but that hasn’t meant I’ve not been a good parent, It’s made me more determined to do things differently for my own children.
To my children, I promise to always do my best for you, I will always be here to listen and not judge, to offer advice and not be offended if you don’t take it, to hold you up when you are feeling weak, to make you you’re favourite foods, to love you with no conditions attached, to laugh with you, to have fun with you, to cry with you, and to chat nonsense with you.