It’s been just under a month since I decided to take a break from blogging and although I’ve liked having my evenings back I’ve missed writing terribly. So I thought I would explain why I write this blog and why I choose to share aspects of my life publicly.
I used to be a very private and closed off person. As a child I didn’t have a voice. I learned to show people only what I thought they wanted to see. I didn’t want to do or say the wrong thing for fear of disapproval or rejection. As the years went by my lie was easier to live, I was never my true self and that caused me untold amounts of pain.
People mistook my cool stand-offish exterior for rudeness and uptightness (oh how I hate this word). I shied away from any sort of social situations like parties or celebrations for fear of the discomfort of doing or saying something wrong. I now realise I suffer from social anxiety and I work hard every day to overcome it.
I lived my life in constant guilt always thinking I was a bad person, I was not normal and didn’t deserve to truly feel love or happiness. I won’t go in to the reasons and the causes for feeling that way, although I know exactly what they were.
I’m slightly getting off track here but this does all lead to the reasons why I write.
Over the last seven years with the help of my husband I’ve been able to open up and become myself totally. I no longer fear people knowing about my life. If I’m sad, depressed, happy or anxious then I can express it in a healthy way I no longer worry about other people’s reactions.
I’ve been through some very tough times and sometimes writing about them helps. Some of my blog posts help me to express what I’m feeling and once I hit publish a huge weight is lifted. Writing is cathartic and sharing my thoughts and feelings with strangers, although I can’t explain it, helps me so much.
Making a connection even a virtual one, with fellow bloggers, parents and readers has been invaluable. To know you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings is all anybody really wants I think.
I also love writing practical posts about how to save and make money. Not only to document it for myself but to hopefully help other stay at home parents. Being able to contribute financially while I raise our family is hugely important to me.
The biggest reason I write is that I want to capture the memories of my children while they are young. I have two older children who are turning 18 and 20 this year and I feel like their childhoods passed in the blink of an eye. I regret so much not keeping better records when they were growing up.
Blogging has brought lots of lovely experiences and opportunities for my family and that is also a huge bonus.
I think I’ve written this post for myself, to remind me when I have a wobble that I love to write and these are the reasons.
Blogging gives me a voice and I intend to carry on speaking.
Thanks for sticking with me.